Don’t screw up your sex life! 5 Most common mistakes men make in bed
Have you ever thought about your performance in the bedroom?
You might be very good.
But do you ever make mistakes?
You could have blind spots that are secretly hurting you.
Making mistakes in bed can kill your sex life. It’s even one of the primary reasons for women to cheat on their partners.
A survey done among 4.000 women by infidelity website Victoria Milan found that 68 percent of them were unfaithful because of bad sex with their partners.
Not screwing up in bed is crucial for a healthy sex life. Anyone could be making mistakes without even knowing about it.
If you want to avoid making mistakes in bed, then this article is for you.
What you have to do if you want to avoid disasters
“Damn, that girl is hot. I would definitely do her.”
A statement like that characterizes most conversations we as men have about sex.
Women always assume that men have long and interesting conversations about sex. Instead, most of our sex talk never goes beyond shallow comments or horny expressions.
The majority of men don’t even want to have a real talk about sex. They don’t seem to be interested in improvement, talking about it only seems to make them uncomfortable.
This has always amazed me. Ever since I had sex at the age of 18, I’ve been obsessed with the subject of becoming better in bed. (Yes I was a late bloomer, which may explain my obsession haha).
Sex is such an important factor for your happiness in life. It’s madness to think that you already ‘know it all’ and don’t make any mistakes in bed.
If you want to avoid disasters you have to take an objective look at your own performance. This means that you have to be open to new information and be manly enough to admit to yourself when you’re doing something wrong.
In the past 10 years, I’ve tried and experienced many different things in the bedroom with a variety of different partners. I’ve made it a habit to ask them for feedback and talk with women about their sexual experiences and dreams. Besides that, I’ve been studying sexual topics extensively the past couple of years.
I won’t be so arrogant as to call myself an expert, but I do think I’ve learned enough to speak with confidence about the subject.
From all my studies, experiences and countless of conversations, I’ve compiled a list of the 5 most common bed mistakes and how you can avoid them.
1. Being too passive
The worst thing you can do as a man while having sex is to be too passive. This means that you just let the sex happen and never take the lead.
Women love it when a man takes the lead. Taking action towards something you deeply desire is a sexy masculine trait.
It’s almost always up to the man to take the initiative and make the first move.
Just think about the girl giving you the sexy eye contact in the club. She’ll most likely not be the one to start a conversation. You’ll have to go up to her and make it happen.
She just gives you the sign and it’s up to you to act on it. You could see it as an invitation to lead her where she wants to go.
I hope this makes it clear that leading has got nothing to do with forcing someone. It doesn’t mean that you can do whatever you want regardless of her preferences. You can never lead someone who doesn’t want to be led.
Leading in the bedroom is crucial for good sex. By taking the lead in bed, you take responsibility for creating variation. Instead of sticking with a boring routine, you help the sex to stay exciting and spike up arousal. Most boring sex happens when people don’t switch things up.
Let’s be honest..
Just hammering it out in the missionary position isn’t going to be a real memorable experience for the both of you.
As a man, you’re responsible for the storyline of your sexual adventure. Taking on this responsibility means that it’s up to you to switch things up.
You can switch things up by frequently changing positions and defining the speed and rhythm of the sex. Don’t get stuck in doing one thing for too long, variety is key here.
A good mix of tender lovemaking and rough sex can spike up her emotions. It will make the overall experience more enjoyable.
If you want to be able to lead and switch things up, you have to of course know what you want. When you don’t know this, it might be helpful to take some time and write down some things on paper.
So as a man you should know what you want and be able to lead. In addition to this, I think being dominant is the icing on the cake when it comes to a woman’s sexual arousal.
Almost all the women I’ve been with liked things like getting their hair pulled, their asses smacked and some nipple biting as well.
Women go crazy for dominant men, it lets them experience real masculinity and makes them in turn feel more feminine.
It’s no wonder that millions of women soak in their panties when they read the next Fifty Shades of Grey novel. They just love the idea of being taken, surrendering and completely letting go.
In the bedroom, you want to be the one that can give her that feeling. Being a dominant man who takes the lead will do exactly that.
2. Not figuring out what she likes
To have good sex, you can’t only be focused on what you want. You need to figure out what your sexual partner wants as well.
I don’t recommend asking her too many questions about what she likes during the sex itself. Doing this can come off as passive and unattractive behavior. Having serious conversations during sex can destroy the vibe and reduce sexual tension.
It is of course, helpful to ask her what she likes, just try to minimize it during the act itself.
As you may notice, not all women are quite expressive about their wishes. Sexual needs and desires are intimate things, to share them can require a lot of trust.
If you want her to open up, you have to give her assurance that you won’t judge her. I often do this by stating that I’m open minded when it comes to sex and that I’m not weirded out easily. I let her know that I value being open and honest with each other and that every sexual desire can be discussed.
Besides the basic questions about what she likes and dislikes in bed, you could ask her more specific and deeper questions.
It could for instance be interesting to know if she has a fetish that turns her on, if she has unfulfilled sexual fantasies, what the easiest way for her to reach an orgasm is, if she also likes girls, if she likes role playing or being tied up, and so on.
Specific questions like these often provide you with much more details.
It’s always a good idea to be the first to share. By sharing your intimate sexual secrets, you show her vulnerability. Not only is vulnerability a masculine and sexy trait, but it also makes her more comfortable sharing her secrets with you.
It’s important that you don’t hold back when you have this conversation. The more open and honest you are, the more likely she’ll return the favor.
Don’t be scared that she might not like what you have to say. Man up to it and don’t be ashamed of your own sexuality. Being able to express your sexual desires freely is part of being a man.
Figuring out what she likes in bed when you’re actually having sex is done by leading. This means that you try things and then calibrate after the fact.
To do this, you need to be attuned to her feelings and body language. When you try something new, you should be able to pick up if she likes it or not.
Good indicators I’ve found to be useful to pay attention to are:
- the difference in breathing;
- the shift in her eyes;
- parts of her body becoming tenser;
- and the general shift in her level of arousal.
Keep in mind that girls are often not that direct about saying they don’t like something. Therefore, it’s your responsibility as a man to make sure that you notice and adjust accordingly.
3.Not being present
Good sex needs to feel like it’s just flowing naturally. It’s not something that is structured or mechanical. In order to make this happen you have to be present.
Being present simply means that the present moment has your full attention and that you aren’t thinking about anything else.
When you aren’t present, you’re stuck in your head thinking about the past or future. In this state, you’re unable to give the woman in front of you full attention.
Women want a man who is present with them. They light up when they feel that they have your complete attention. A man who is present with them will make them feel appreciated and loved.
By being present with them, they become more present themselves as well. In their state of presence, women are able to let go and fully enjoy the sex.
Presence is something that sounds so simple but can be quite hard to cultivate. Unfortunately, you can’t just stop your thoughts on command.
You can, however, learn how to focus your attention on something in the current moment. Practices like meditation and yoga can help you become better at this. By controlling your breath, you learn to be more in tune with your body and you’ll be able to feel your orgasm coming in advance. This way you can also know when to slow down at the right time in order to prolong the experience.
When you’re having sex, your main focus should be on your partner. You can pay attention to the motions of her beautiful body, the touch of her skin, the sound of her breath, the feeling of penetrating her and so on.
Amazing sex can only happen when you aren’t focused on getting an orgasm. Sex is much more than just reaching a climax. And besides that, being able to give her an orgasm first is much more satisfying.
Being present will help you greatly with this. Only when you can relax your mind and fully enjoy the current moment, you and your bed partner can truly reach a state of bliss together.
So practice being present and your sexual experiences will definitely reach a new level.
4. Moving too fast
A very common thing that you hear from women is that they are annoyed by the fact that a lot of men move too fast in the bedroom.
Sex shouldn’t only be about penetration. If you always can’t wait to stick it in, it might be a good idea to learn how to slow down.
Think about it.
What if we were gonna watch a brand new awesome movie, but I would only show you the ending.
You wouldn’t be that satisfied, would you?
The same goes for women’s enjoyment of sex. They want to enjoy the full experience; a challenging storyline which leads to a worthwhile ending.
You can provide your bed partner with this story using foreplay. Foreplay makes sex so much more diverse and exciting, you just need to know how to do it right.
The key to foreplay is building up the level of sexual arousal between the two of you.
You could start with some kissing and slowly move from her mouth to her neck and ears. From this, you can transition into undressing her and touching/caressing the revealed areas of her body.
One of the key factors of good foreplay is teasing, this builds so much sexual arousal and can drive her wild. The basic principle of teasing entails that you advance your sexual actions a bit and then hold back again.
You could, for example, tease her by moving your finger around her inner thigh area and sometimes just slightly touching her vagina. You can build this up and start fingering her a bit and then move away again.
Oral sex also plays a major role when it comes to good foreplay. Women just love it when a man doesn’t shy away from it and knows what he’s doing down there.
A good percentage of women have a hard time reaching an orgasm only through penetration. So knowing how to eat pussy is an essential skill to master in the bedroom.
Describing how to do it goes beyond the scope of this article. Just keep in mind that every woman is different and that it’s your job to find out what she likes.
When you’re performing foreplay, it’s important to always be reading the verbal and nonverbal cues she gives off.
5. Only being focused on the physical
During sex, a lot of men are only focused on the physical. By doing this, they miss a whole other factor that plays a big role when it comes to the sexual arousal of a woman. That factor is, of course, mental stimulation.
Mental stimulation is a crucial part of a woman’s enjoyment of sex. Women even fantasize a lot during the act itself.
A big percentage of her being able to reach an orgasm takes place in her head. This means that the worst thing you can do is to stay silent during sex.
Grunting and making sounds of pleasure are a necessity. She wants to know If you like it. When you don’t let her know somehow, she might start to wonder about it and become insecure.
If you want her to become more aroused, it’s also a good idea to start to open your mouth every once and awhile. Most women love it when you talk dirty to them, they go wild when you can stimulate their body and mind at the same time.
Talking dirty can mean that you softly whisper things in her ear while you’re inside her, but it can also mean that you speak loudly to her with a commanding voice.
Dirty talk might be a challenge when you aren’t used to it. A good tip is to start with saying things you’re feeling. If it feels good, then tell her and don’t be shy about it.
Being specific is key when talking dirty. You could say that it’s like a general rule when you want to arouse her mentally. The more specific you are, the better she is able to imagine it.
Good dirty talk is often about things you’re going to do or things you’re doing right now. So be expressive with your horny thoughts.
First tell her where you’re planning on leading her. So if you’re going to fuck her in a certain position, then let her know about it.
Use the perspective of your five senses to describe the situation in detail and paint a clear picture in her mind. Later when you’re actually acting out the scenario, describe to her what you’re doing to her again.
Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself. Actually using your voice to arouse her will set you apart from all the other guys who only focus their attention on the physical aspect of sex.
So… What about you?
I hope his article provided you with valuable tips you can use. Maybe you discovered some things that aren’t helping your sex life. Or maybe it was just a nice reminder for when you get naked next time.
If you enjoyed reading it then please share this article with your friends. Maybe it will spark up an interesting conversation. It’s about time we as men start a serious conversation about sex.
Now I’m curious about your opinions.
What mistakes do you think most men make in bed? Or are there any special tips you’d like to share?
Let me know in the comments below!
Julian is the co-founder of DateGrowth. His mission is to raise consciousness globally by spreading life-enhancing ideas. Julian is a society critic, freedom lover, modern hippie and obsessed truth seeker. His ideas are often about deprogramming yourself and getting in touch with your inner core. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter if you are unafraid of challenging your world view.
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