Seduction expert tells of simple truths to bring you loving relationships with women
We’re raised in a culture that constantly judges women. Our expectations are shaped by TV ads, billboards, and mannequins, starting from childhood.
As if judging their outside isn’t enough, we also judge their inside, doing away with their quirks by dismissing them as incomprehensible. Have you ever heard a man grumble “women just can’t be understood”?
This is not a healthy mindset, but the good news is that we can make a choice to stop this compulsive judging, and grow our love for women.
I wanted to know what a master seducer—with a finely honed instinct for women’s feelings—thinks of this, so I asked Hans Comyn from Ars Amorata about his love for women. His answers were both enlightening and heartwarming.
I chose not to write this article in interview-style, but instead interleave it with quotes from Hans, to be able to provide you with a little more context and structure. I’ll explain the virtues and pitfalls of loving women, and provide you with some ideas to start crankin’ up that love.
Love yourself first
An important sidenote to this dialogue of loving women, is that you can never truly love women if you don’t love yourself. I’ve seen girlfriends of mine as ‘stepping stones’, ‘aperitif’, ‘opening act to the grand show’… Not because they weren’t amazing, but because I thought, deep inside:
How can these women be with me?
If this resonates with you, make it a point to actively improve your self-love. It’s not other people’s duty to love you; it’s your own. Nobody can do it for you, and if you never learn to do this, you’ll always feel this gaping hole on the inside that’s waiting to be filled, yet it can only be filled from the inside, not the outside.
So stop putting yourself down, and use this rule of thumb:
Do not treat yourself like you would not treat others.
Try to observe your inner dialogue, and then try to imagine saying those same things not to yourself, but to a stranger. You might be shocked!
If you’re like most people, you have an incessant stream of judgmental thoughts running through your mind, like a locomotive going full-speed. Slowing down this thought-train is a great step forward in your relations with women, and a great contribution to your overall happiness (as any experienced meditation practitioner will tell you).
“If you’re in a public place and there’s a child or an animal, you’ll see that all attention goes to this child or animal. That’s because they have something we adults have lost: pure presence. And with this comes absence of judgment. Be ready to suspend judgment, to allow your presumptions to be changed. Seduction is as simple as presence.” – Hans Comyn
This is, however, not an easy feat, as it’s largely your subconscious that triggers these thoughts. Trying to be mindful/aware is key here.
For example, during the day, try to notice when you judge negatively, be it about a woman, a thing, yourself, anything. Then don’t resist, but accept it as it is and let it go, minding your breath instead of the thought.
The effect of less judgment can be seen in Havana (Cuba). There they have no advertising, thus there’s an absence of a universal model of beauty. On top of that, kids are complimented from an early age and this makes them grow up with much more self-esteem (and less self-judgment). This greatly helps their interaction with the opposite sex .
Make a choice
“Try to make your own choice, to grow your love for women, to train that love muscle. I made the choice to explore my love for women, I felt that it was something that would make me a better man and something that would make the world a better place. It was an explicit choice.” – Hans Comyn
Making a choice is the first step in any successful pursuit. Don’t hesitate, don’t keep lingering, either make a choice to actively change your mindset with regards to women or make a choice not to.
When you’ve made this choice, this mindset will help you a lot:
“An essential part of being a great seducer is the will to have women always speak well of you.” – Hans Comyn
A different way to say this is: “Leave women better than when you found them.” Amen!
Women want to be loved for who they truly are
If you ask women what they want in a man, you will undoubtedly come to this conclusion pretty soon. And if you dig deep with men, they will eventually tell you the same. Let Hans illustrate:
“If men could get somehow past their cloud of horniness, they want the same thing as women.” – Hans Comyn
“A woman wants to find a man she can trust enough she can surrender to.” – Hans Comyn
Learn from women
“Women telll me everything, with their words and with their actions. Meeting them is the most important element in learning from them. Meet as many women as possible, date every woman who wants to date you. You will learn everything from them, for there is nothing that will teach you as much as experience.” – Hans Comyn
When just starting out, you might not yet be very adept at ‘reading’ women. That’s no problem, because you can always communicate more directly, for example simply by asking!
“I ask women everything, like “Why did you come on a date with me?” Some years ago, I experiments with asking women five minutes after meeting them “Write down your three first impressions of me. Don’t be nice with me!” Then I went to the toilet. I was shocked to see the range of impressions I made!” – Hans Comyn
So you can even learn a lot by directly asking her a variety of questions. This is a great thing to do, especially in the beginning!
You’ll always get positive and negative feedback
Even if you’re Gandhi, there will be people speaking negatively of you. It’s the same with women’s opinions:
“You’ll always get positive and negative remarks. And indifferent ones. Every attempt at controlling is futile. It’s your job to tell your truth. The more you speak your truth, the more you attract women who are attracted to you.” – Hans Comyn
If you desperately try to control women’s opinion of you, you’ll end up confused and schizofrenic. Instead, let go of opinions and accept that you will never be liked by all women. Make it your aim to become more authentic.
(Authenticity is hard to define, but let’s agree that, for now, it means to be your best, most honest and open self.)
All great seducers love women
When you look at the greatest seducers in history , you will notice that the thing they all have in common is a deeprooted love of and appreciation for women.
This is not a coincidence: women have been reading faces all their lives and have a much stronger intuition than men, they can tell when you’re faking your intentions or secretly holding grudges. This also means that your love and appreciation will shine through!
Women will notice
A common misconception is that we men need to hide our desire—and with that appreciation—for women. But this just makes us become nice guys with a hidden agenda. If you love women and don’t frantically try to hide it, it will be noticed by women and they will actually like it.
“A great discovery was that women liked me not despite my love of women, but because of my love of women.” – Hans Comyn
Another great side-effect of women noticing your love of women, is that they will become your greatest accomplices.You thought your wingman was your greatest accomplice? Think again! Girls will point you to their cutest single friends, mothers will even lead you to their daughters. It’s simply the result of having authentic intentions.
Good women will strengthen your love
Recently I was watching a befriended couple. She stroked his cheek and looked at him with an amazingly tender and loving look in her eyes. She told him that he meant the world to her—without words.
There are women out there, great women, who will look at you with such a look in their eyes. You don’t attract these women with tricks. Women will feel when you’re faking. The only thing you have to do is to become more authentic, to live your truth. This is such a simple statement, but authenticity is one of the hardest things there is. It’s a journey that never ends, but don’t let that stop you!
“Your only job in seduction is to express yourself authentically. Your authentic self is your attractive self.” – Hans Comyn
MAKE A CHOICE
I want to emphasize this again, because action is the only thing that’s ever going to change anything. If you want to become a great seducer, if you want to be with great women, if you want to develop your love for women, make a choice today.
The choice to take action. The choice to go out there, interact with women, learn from them, and learn to love them.
Have you ever met a good woman who strengthened your love? Share your experience in the comments!
I want to thank Hans for the interview, and for making the world a better place by spreading the Ars Amorata message. If you want to read an amazingly insightful book that explores everything between men and women, read Zan Perrion’s (Ars Amorata’s founder) book The Alabaster Girl.