The zen of meeting girls in public transport

by | Dating

Public transport isn’t the kind of environment that you associate with something like Zen.

There are people who complain about the late buses and you see lots of smartphones with humans attached.

There’s also the stressful rush hours and that guy who always drinks a beer in the train after a hard day at the office.

It’s a funny place.

So how can Zen help you meet girls during your travels?

For me, meeting girls in trains, buses, metros and rickshaws is all about keeping it simple.

That’s why it’s perfect to connect Zen to this.

If you want to meet girls during your commutes, there are four concepts you must understand. I will present them and show you how to use them.

But before we dig into the details, let me tell you why meeting girls in public transport is awesome. I want to motivate you to give it a try.

Why meeting girls in public transport is awesome

I like to meet girls in public transport since it’s so simple to incorporate in a busy agenda.

If you’re like most people you spend a fair amount commuting from home to work or school and back.

Sitting next to a girl in the bus or train doesn’t require you to free up extra time.

You can also meet women on the street during your daily grind, but this can be more time consuming.

While it’s easy to incorporate and costs little effort, a lot of guys don’t do it. That’s a shame because talking to someone is more fulfilling than keeping your solitude.

I know you can be grumpy when commuting at 8 AM and I also understand you want to relax after work. Even though this is the case, talking to a stranger is a positive experience that gives you energy.

This is my own experience, but funny enough, research,also supports this idea. Here’s a small excerpt of the research I found on connecting to strangers in public transport:

“To examine the experience of connecting to strangers, we instructed commuters on trains and buses to connect with a stranger near them, to remain disconnected, or to commute as normal (Experiments 1a and 2a). In both contexts, participants reported a more positive (and no less productive) experience when they connected than when they did not. Separate participants in each context, however, expected precisely the opposite outcome, predicting a more positive experience in solitude (Experiments 1b and 2b).”

Participants predict a more positive experience in solitude, but they’re wrong. They enjoy the commute more when they connect to other people. Why not make that random stranger a beautiful girl?

A little story

So it’s enjoyable, but does it actually work for hooking up with girls? While you might be skeptic, it works like a charm if you do it consistently.

To be honest, I don’t end up dating lots of girls I talk to on public transport, but it does happen. I would never meet these girls if I didn’t make the effort to open my mouth.

To show you what can come from this please imagine you’re the main character in the following story:

One day while you’re in a rush to get to work, you just manage to catch the morning bus. You look around and walk to the front to see if you can sit down.

Your eyes are caught by a cute redhead girl. Even though you were in a rush, you sit down next to her.

Suddenly, you realize it’s valentine’s day because she’s holding a valentines card. You then make a small remark about the card to start a conversation.

You both laugh, talk a little more and exchange phone numbers. You go on a few dates and 6 months later you’re in a fantastic relationship with this wonderful girl.

Great story?

Well, it’s what happened to me a few years ago, so this could also happen to you.

That would be cool right?

So to conclude, there are 3 reasons why meeting girls in public transport is awesome:

  • It’s simple to incorporate in everyday life
  • Research supports that it’s a fulfilling experience
  • It works if done consistently

Now let’s look at that Zen part of meeting women during your travels.

Be Zen in 4 simple steps

Zen masters aren’t known for exceptional skills with women, but the core concepts of Zen can help you a lot. They’re great for meeting girls in public transport.

There are four important concepts that you should apply and I’ll discuss them all. Let’s get going!

Step 1: Pay attention and be present

The most important concept of Zen is to pay attention and be present, so that’s also the first step for you. Remember the part of my story where I noticed the valentines card?

That’s because I was present in the moment and observed what was happening. Other examples of things you can notice:

  • You walk up to her and she moves her big bag from the seat where you want to sit down
  • She has a huge caffeine bomb from Starbucks in her hands
  • When you sit down you realize it’s Friday night and judging from her party dress she’s probably on her way to a party
  • Judging from her body language and that big yawn she’s had a long day at the office or school

Just try and notice small things around you and about her. If you’re present and pay attention, you’ll notice a lot of things.

Step 2: Keep it simple

If you get the hang of noticing things in the present moment, the second step is to make a remark about what you notice. Just keep it simple, just like Zen.

The corresponding examples could be:

  • You have a big bag to carry around
  • Long day ahead of you?
  • So you’re going to party tonight?
  • You must have had a long day

It takes practice to notice small things and then to quickly respond. You will encounter times where you don’t respond quick enough.

Just notice these opportunities and wait for the next. There might be another opportunity a few seconds later so be mindful.

When you make it work, keep the rest of the conversation simple. Just make statements about what you notice or ask questions about what you want to know. Also share things about yourself.

While you can do whatever you prefer, you should always ask one vital question:

“Where are you going?”

This is because you should know when her stop is. This way you can ask for her number before you reach her or your destination.

If this question doesn’t make it clear for you, ask her directly when her stop is. It’s a shame if you meet a girl you like, but you don’t get the chance to get her number.

Always ask the-where-are-you-going question, so that you don’t end up kicking yourself.

Step 3: See things as they truly are

An essential part of Zen is seeing things as they truly are. You try to view reality without distortion of your thoughts or conditioning.

If you take a closer look at public transport, you’ll be able to see it as a great place to meet women.

Since everybody in public transport ignores each other, there’s a tension to break the silence. We don’t talk because other people don’t talk.

We then rationalize this by saying that we prefer solitude. The research I pointed out earlier in this article demonstrates that we don’t prefer solitude.

So to be honest, it’s bullshit that we don’t talk even if this is the status quo.

As I used to put the people around me in the category “stranger”, I look at it differently now. I hit myself with a good dose of Sonder.

Sonder is the realization that each random person is living a life as vivid and complex as yourself. I love this idea since it always inspires me to find out what the stories of other people are.

Even if I only talk to them on a 15 minute bus ride home. It’s still worth it.

The beauty I want you to see is that you have a few moments to find out what her story is and tell a little bit about yours. Afterwards you might decide to include each other in the next chapter.

So, please see public transport as just another place where you can connect with someone. Doing this will lead to a better experience during your travels through space and time.

Step 4: Doing it once doesn’t work

The last thing Zen has in common with meeting girls on public transport is that you have to do it consistently.

If you meditate once per month, it doesn’t give you a calmer more positive mind. You have to do it a lot.

The same goes for meeting girls in public transport. There are two reasons for this: you have to get used to it and you have little time to form a connection.

You have to get used to talking out loud in a public place where people can follow your conversation. This can create pressure to speak up or go for a number because people might see you crash and burn. So be consistent to get used to this.

To help you with this you should take note of the spotlight effect. This is the tendency to overestimate the amount of people that notice you and what you’re doing. Most people don’t notice you or don’t really care.

The second reason to be consistent is that you have little time to get to know a girl. While it’s often easy to get a number, the times you get something out of it are lower than in other situations. In other places like in a bar you generally have more time to form a connection.

Once you start doing it more often, you’ll have a higher chance of meeting a girl who is open to seeing you again.

Are you going to do it?

So if you like the idea: switch off your music and put your phone away. Don’t hide yourself behind that morning newspaper and talk to that cute girl next to you.

Since nothing can wake you up like meeting a cool girl in the morning, I dare you to try it next time you’re on your way to work.

So are you going to do it or do you have any questions about the tips in this article? Let me know in the comments below and I’ll personally respond.

Also make sure to subscribe to our newsletter for more awesome tips on how to meet the women you deserve. You’ll also receive our 20 page ebook “5 beliefs that are destroying your success with women – common dating myths debunked” for free.

Thomas Murray


Thomas is the co-founder of DateGrowth and he creates content about dating, health and personal effectiveness. In his content he likes to combine psychology and spirituality. He is a digital nomad, morning meditator, green tea addict and an internet entrepreneur. His main goal is to provide you with personal development advice that actually works.

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